Why Revenge?
by Tecna13
Summary: Ciel talks about why revenge and not just leaving it and moving on. (Before Season 2.)


Why Revenge?  
By Tecna13

I remember…the sadness and hatred I felt to all those that killed my parents and humiliated me. I sometimes wish they would do it to someone else, but why? Why did my family's name have to be cursed? Why did we have to be the Queen's watchdogs: The Phantomhive Family?

I ask these questions, but notice that nobody is listening. Not God, not the goodness of humanity, not even the Queen herself.

I feel hate at times like these. I'll tell you why I want revenge. They humiliated me, treated me like a doll, the pain, day after day. I disliked it and now, I do want them to feel the same. You might think it's rather stupid, but what of it? There is no other reason to live. My family, almost all, is dead. I don't want to put Elizabeth in danger if we do get married. People like you wouldn't understand, but I'm telling you anyways to relieve myself from this pure hate that's inside; even if it's just for a little while.

The pain started after the manor burned down and everything was turned into ashes. It wasn't just the manor that burned down, but my whole family along with it. I was just an innocent boy that didn't know what was happening, that was scared, that didn't want revenge, that had his purity taken away from him.

Revenge is a part of life, whether you want to admit it or not. To some people, it just lasts for a few hours, days, or even years. For me? It's lasting my whole life. Do you want to know why?

Because you didn't go through what I had to. You didn't! Don't try to sympathize when you didn't feel the torture, the pain, the fear, the sadness of knowing your parents were dead!

I felt hopeless back there, I sometimes wondered if I could take my life, but I didn't. I didn't because I saw a small web string that had been cast down from my Hell, and unlike everyone else that knew it would mean certain death to the hands of a demon, I took it.

I crawled up from the shadows of Hell and now here I am, returning to avenge my family. I really don't care what you think or if you say 'Revenge is wrong.' Since you didn't go through all the emotional, physical, and even sexual pain that I did.

I barely trust Sebastian himself since there is no reason why to. He just wants to eat me and will do anything for that, even protection. That's why I slightly trust in him. In the bottom of my cold, dark heart, I know that he will want to protect his precious soul of a meal just till the end.  
I'm so precious to his stomach that he's willing to do anything. What about the Queen? No, she wouldn't. She would just get another guard dog. For her, I'm replaceable like the rest of us. There isn't anything that she would do, but put England first instead of a child like me.

Smile. That's a word that I don't even do anymore and that's meaningless to me. Every single night, I wake up from a nightmare, and I wonder why those men and women smiled while they were hitting me from left to right.

I cannot do it anymore, not just because I don't want to, but because I don't see any point in it. It's impossible for me to smile, and it always will be, until the day I'm devoured by that demon.

For all those people that frown upon me and say that I shouldn't take revenge back, just don't get into it. You believe you know me, you believe you know my feelings, but in reality, you don't know a pure thing about me.

If you do, then you just know my name, my history, and everything else, and my occupation, even my fiancée's name, but in reality, you barely know a thing about how I think.

Everybody takes a path to make their lives meaningful and each night I'm in my study…I remember that faithful night. I sometimes go to sleep and dream of that night over and over again. It's a pure living Hell.

It always will be and if death is pure bliss for me, I will take those who have guided me to this path along with me. That's why I want revenge for Vincent Phantomhive, for Rachel Phantomhive, and for myself, Ciel Phantomhive.

My parents, my family, everybody will pay for what they did. And if you ask why I want to just end my life is because no matter what, I'm a danger to everybody.

You have no idea how many people would just go and kidnap Elizabeth just to get back at me for trying to get revenge.  
I know that once I'm away from this filthy, un-pure Earth, that Elizabeth will be happy and safe. Whether it's with me or not, that's her own path to decide.

Farewell, I don't believe we'll speak again, unless if you're under my gun's barrel. Good. Bye.


End file.
